Victoria's Island

At A Loss

This is a struggle for me to write. In fact this is a struggle for me to think about. I’ve found the best way to cope over the last few days has been to push it to the back of my brain and ignore it. But I can’t hide from this from much longer.

I’m sick again. I’m in an ulcerative colitis flare. It has been getting worse. My energy levels are dropping off. I’m tired. I don’t feel well.

I’ve stopped training. I don’t know if I’ll race again.

I’m riding my bike to and from work when I feel energized enough for the 22 km trip each way. I’m getting out on my BMX bike when I can (it makes me tired but it does put a smile on my face).

I really don’t know what to say. I feel sad.

 

Learning to Balance

Maybe the title of this post should really be: learning to let things go.

As you likely know I've started a new full-time technical writing contract. I'm really enjoying the work and the people. It is a big adjustment to go from working at home to working in an office. But I'm very much enjoying it. I'm a social animal and it is refreshing to be around people all day again (though I do miss Murphy). 

I initially believed that I could manage my 40 hour a week job, my full-time cycling training, my freelance writing, and the general stuff of life....

Well, guess what? I can't. It took one week and one particularly long Monday night spent in front of my computer for me to realize this. Turns out Marc was waiting for this realization to sink in. So I had to make a hard decision and I've had to give up my freelance writing contracts. This is frustrating to me since I really do enjoy the writing I was doing for these clients and frankly it takes a long time to find good reliable freelance clients. I aslo felt badly telling these clients that I could no longer work for them. Luckily everyone was very understanding and told me to let them know when I have time to start working for them again.

This letting go of my freelance writing contracts is a big step forwrad for me. I guess the life experiences from the past few years have finally sunk in. Marc reminded me of three years ago when I overextended myself and had my first real ulcerative colitis flare. He reminded me of the stress headaches, the sore teeth (I was grinding them while I slept) and my rather short temper. I didn't want to go back there.

So I've got a new attitude. Do what I can. Don't stress about what I can't do. My priorities are getting in a good training ride on my bike, enjoying my bike, spending time with Marc and Murphy, doing a good job at work, and taking time to relax and chill out. Last night I spent the evening flaked out watching Top Chef Canada and Grey's Anatomy - this was after a two hour ride in the rain and a tasty meal out at our favourite Vietnamese restaurant. To say it was a relaxing and enjoyable Wednesday evening would be an understatement.

Right now as I sit here there are things that probably should be done. Laundry to be put away. Cycling clothes to organize for Friday. General tidying. Ah well - it can all wait. It is 9:30 and I think I'll get ready for bed and relax with my book. Life is short and all this rushing around really doesn't get me any further ahead.

Learning to Balance

Maybe the title of this post should really be: learning to let things go.

As you likely know I've started a new full-time technical writing contract. I'm really enjoying the work and the people. It is a big adjustment to go from working at home to working in an office. But I'm very much enjoying it. I'm a social animal and it is refreshing to be around people all day again (though I do miss Murphy). 

I initially believed that I could manage my 40 hour a week job, my full-time cycling training, my freelance writing, and the general stuff of life....

Well, guess what? I can't. It took one week and one particularly long Monday night spent in front of my computer for me to realize this. Turns out Marc was waiting for this realization to sink in. So I had to make a hard decision and I've had to give up my freelance writing contracts. This is frustrating to me since I really do enjoy the writing I was doing for these clients and frankly it takes a long time to find good reliable freelance clients. I aslo felt badly telling these clients that I could no longer work for them. Luckily everyone was very understanding and told me to let them know when I have time to start working for them again.

This letting go of my freelance writing contracts is a big step forwrad for me. I guess the life experiences from the past few years have finally sunk in. Marc reminded me of three years ago when I overextended myself and had my first real ulcerative colitis flare. He reminded me of the stress headaches, the sore teeth (I was grinding them while I slept) and my rather short temper. I didn't want to go back there.

So I've got a new attitude. Do what I can. Don't stress about what I can't do. My priorities are getting in a good training ride on my bike, enjoying my bike, spending time with Marc and Murphy, doing a good job at work, and taking time to relax and chill out. Last night I spent the evening flaked out watching Top Chef Canada and Grey's Anatomy - this was after a two hour ride in the rain and a tasty meal out at our favourite Vietnamese restaurant. To say it was a relaxing and enjoyable Wednesday evening would be an understatement.

Right now as I sit here there are things that probably should be done. Laundry to be put away. Cycling clothes to organize for Friday. General tidying. Ah well - it can all wait. It is 9:30 and I think I'll get ready for bed and relax with my book. Life is short and all this rushing around really doesn't get me any further ahead.

Adjusting

It has been a while since my last post.... Things have been a bit whirlwind around here. The last time I posted I had just returned from a great Easter weekend in Lakefield. Well, things have been rather eventful since then...

On Easter Monday I had a surprise job interview. I had a follow-up interview on Tuesday. Received a contract offer on Thursday, signed it and started the following Monday. Yes, a bit quick. But good! 

Throw in a great day on Friday April 13 for my 40th birthday and things were busy. Marc and I had a fantastic day - bike riding, tasty lunch, poke around the shops, book and magazine browsing and a very good supper at Cafe My House. Cafe My House is a vegan restaurant that also offers a fully gluten-free menu. In other words - I could eat whatever I wanted from this menu and not worry about feeling sick. It was excellent. I know it really wasn't Marc's favourite meal but I really enjoyed it. The best part was the cake at the end - it has been so long since I've had a piece of cake and let me just say - I really enjoyed it. (In fact, Marc bought me the entire cake!)

Here are some pictures of my meal:

Carrot Ginger Soup

Zuchini Past with Walnut "Meatballs"

Dark Chocolate Coconut Cream Cake

Many thanks for your emails and messages on my birthday! It was a really good day.

The new job is going really well. The people are good. The technology is interesting. It is very nice to be back in private technology environment. Challenging and stimulating but not crazy stressful. Things are a bit busy right now though as I learn how to juggle full-time technical writing with my freelance clients with trainging, yoga and general house stuff. But soon enough I'll have a routine.

It is race day today. Unfortunatly, Marc can't race because he has "walking pneumonia" - but I'm racing. Someone else thinks he should race as well:

One last thought for this Sunday morning... Today is Earth Day - but didn't we have Earth Hour a few weeks ago? Why isn't Earth Hour part of Earth Day?

Changes

I hope you had a very good Easter weekend. I can say that I most definitely had a good Easter weekend. Marc and I hopped in our trusy Matrix and zoomed down Highway 7 and made it to my parents' place with little trouble. 

Lots of good riding. Some excellent food. Had pizza steak for the first time in so many years - so very good. Enjoyed some quality time with my parents. All in all a good weekend. Pixie the wonder dog was on fine form - protecting us from squirrels and making sure Marc didn't get too close to her toys. Yes, it was a good weekend - just what we needed. 

This week has been rather whirlwind... I had an unexpected job interview on Monday and another one on Tuesday. And I start the new job on Monday. Yes the Monday after the Sunday that is coming the day after Saturday which is the day after my birthday... I'm pretty excited about this opportunity. It is a four month technical writing contract. It will be a big change going into an office again but one that will be a good change. I think the one who will be most impacted is Murphy...

So, I've got a couple days of "freedom" left before I start going into an office again. I've got lots of freelance writing to do, some bike riding, and I think a bit of quality coffee shop time. I'm going to be keeping most of my freelance writing clients (yes, I'm crazy) - I'm confident this will be doable. Really just requires some stronger time management skills.

First race of the season happens this Sunday. I'm a bit nervous but I know that it will all be fine. I wrote about my nerves over here and I have to say many thanks for the folks who commented and essentially pointed out my craziness.

I started reading Olive Kitteridge on the weekend. Normally I stay away from Pulitzer Prize winning books because frankly I often "miss the point" of these books. But so far so good with this one. In fact I'm really enjoying it. I'm also still reading The Chimp Paradox - but I need a break once-in-a-while from the sports psychology topic. 

No new recipes happening here right now. I did buy some papadums in the grocery store and attempted to cook them as directed on the package. My advice - stick to eating papadums in Indian restaurants - very hard to replicate at home.

Alright, I'm off. I've got a bunch of stuff to do and then I'm off on my bike for a nice hard ride. 

April is Here!

I make no bones about it - April is my favourite month. Yes, I have favourite month (I also have a favourite planet - Mars).... Besides it being my birthday month, April is typically the time when the grass starts to get a bit greener, the sun starts to shine a bit brighter and the biking starts flow easily.

Yes, April is a darn good month. Of course, can't forget that Easter comes in April as well. Some lucky kids will put out  a basket of carrots and in the morning will find a Mr. Solid and some of those foil wrapped chocolates in the basket. Lucky kids. On the topic of Easter chocolate, I'm a big fan of the Cadburry Cream Egg but I'd like to know what happened to the peanut butter filled egg? Seems that they are nowhere to be found this year. I've tried the chocoolate filled egg - not nearly as good and the Coffee Crisp version is a poor cousing to the peanut butter egg. Tough times when there are no peanut butter eggs to be found...

Life here is pretty much status quo. I'm in waiting mode still with the new job. Thought I would have started by now but some parts of the hiring process are taking a long time. Ah well, until then I'm making the most of my days with more freelance writing and afternoon bike rides. The new job is only 25 hours a week so it will enable me to continue with my freelance writing and get in all the bike time I need to get ready for the season.

The weather was dreadful here on Sunday and I was tempted to push my 3.5 hour ride off until Monday, but I stuck to the schedule and went out. Actually it wasn't so bad. The snow and rain did start to get to me at the 3 hour mark but by then I wasn't too far from home so I just pushed on with thoughts of chai tea to keep me feeling warm. In fact thanks to the rather unsavoury weather conditions, I rode harder than I normally would - all in an effort to stay warm and distract me from the snow/hail/sleet/rain/wind. Even a wet day on the bike is better than a day on the couch (in my opinion).

One thing I've been missing is yoga. I've just been struggling with getting everything to fit together lately. But tomorrow is a new day and so starts a new yoga routine. I've got my yoga mat here at home and some excellent yoga routines from the Internet so I'm committing to a 20 minute yoga session every morning - it isn't much but it is better than nothing. My body and brain feel so much better with yoga so if I start small and get in a routine, I'll soon be able to get back to going to regular classes and doing longer sessions here at home.

Had a great treat today when Henry gave me a call on Skype. Definitely picked up my lunchtime to chat with little guy as he gobbled his soup and showed me his helicopter. I don't want to brag or anything but Henry is pretty darn spectacular. The amazing thing now is that he has this huge vocabulary and seems to remember what you say... Oh and of course it was nice to talk to Gregory as well, but today Henry stole the show with his haircut and golf technique. Best part was when he huggged the laptop and then kissed the screen - to say good-bye to me!

So that's the action in these here parts. Hopefully your April is starting off well and you are enjoying my favourite month!

Happenings

As you can tell, I haven't been around this space much lately. Frankly because I often just don't have much to say. Life is generally just rolling along. I haven't been on any trips or discovered any new recipes. Really just life is happening. 

Now I have been busy - had some biggish writing projects, I've been working on a new personal writing project and of course I've been riding my bike. But nothing really ground-breaking.

In reading news, I'm close to finishing The Lost Girls - pretty good book if you're interested in travel and have a sense of wanderlust. There is some navel-gazing and the three women do seem to grow through-out the book and realize that their New York first-world problems really aren't problems at all.

Next up after this book is The Chimp Paradox by Dr. Steve Peters. The author is well-respected psychiatrist and authority on the mental aspect of sports. He is currently working for Team Sky and for the Great Britain Olympic Team. This book comes highly recommended from a couple of pro cyclists so I'm looking forward to reading it. Now this book isn't just for cyclists or athletes - really it is for anyone interested in understanding how we make decisions and process our emotions.

In the cooking world, well I've did try a new recipe on the weekend. Vegan brownies - the secret ingredient is a can of black beans. (Dad and Uncle Mike - don't wrinkle your noses and start thinking that these brownies don't taste good!) Marc ate one and couldn't even taste the black beans. I made these without the agave and sugar - instead I added in some chocolate chips and on Marc's side I added Reese's Pieces. Very good. Make them - your body will thank-you. 

We bought a SodaStream yesterday. What a nifty item this is. Marc and I drink a lot of soda water and now we can make our own at home. We can even flavour it ourselves. Currently I'm drinking lemon soda water - I used a real lemon to give it the tasty lemon flavour. We might not own a coffee maker and have a toaster that is circa 1994 but we can make our own soda water and pop! 

Alright, I'm off. I've got some writing to do - both paid and personal and then I have to bundle up so I can face this real March weather and get out for a good pedal. 

(And since I know you're counting down the days, not too long now until my birthday!!! In fact I've already received two birthday presents - swanky new headphones for riding/training with and a new digital watch since my mine was basically dead. Thanks Marc!!! )

Top-Notch Weekend

Wow, what a weekend. It was a good one here in these parts. I can only hope that your weekend was just as good as mine. The weekend was essentially punctuated by all things bicycle.

Excellent rides on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday was an interval day for me and it was refreshing to be out and feeling strong and fit on the bike. Sunday was group ride day and we had a good group of five of us who rode out to Merrickville and back. The weather was over-the-top and it the bright sun left its impression with freckles on my cheeks and slightly reddened hands. 

In other exciting cycling news, I now have fenders on my city bike! This is great. Now nothing will stop me from getting to yoga, going to the coffee shop or zipping over to the grocery store to get a small load of food. Pretty darn happy to have fenders.

Away from the bike we really just chilled out. Some yoga. Some good meals out with friends. A Friday night date downtown in the Byward Market. It was definitely just a good weekend all around. The happiest of all though seems to be Murphy. He is loving this weather. He wants to be outside all day every day. He is back on his grass eating habit and patrolling the back yard for intruders.

The weather is going to be fantastic for the rest of the week  - looking forward to getting some sun on my paleish legs and arms. I know this weather is not "typical" or "normal"  - but I still like it. The other thing that is interesting at this time of year is the proliferation of Easter chocolate in the stores. Seems like there is a big push on right now for people to stock up on Mr. Solid and Cadbury Cream Eggs. I'm disappointed that my favourite is hard to find - peanut butter filled eggs. I suppose I'll have to settle for a Mr. Solid when the big day comes. When we were kids, my brother and I used to spend a lot of time looking for the Easter Bunny's footprints in the ground.... We never did find them but interestingly enough, the Easter Bunny always ate the carrots we put out for him!

The Countdown Is On

So, if you've been reading this site for a while, you'll know that I really like my birthday. In fact, I get pretty darn excited about it. I'm not sure why and I don't know how to explain it, but I just really like my birthday. I tell people that it's my birthday. I remind those around me that my birthday is coming up. 

When I worked at Bridgewater Systems I had a Happy Birthday banner that I hung up in my cubicle for a couple of months, just because I liked hearing people say "Happy Birthday".

Now I don't do this in attempts to get presents or have a party. Nope, I just really like my birthday and I like hearing people say "Happy Birthday". In fact I love celebrating other people's birthdays. I think that a birthday is a day that is just for you and it is your day to feel special. (Not that you shouldn't feel special everyday.)

This year is a different birthday for me. In less than one month I won't be able to say I'm in mid-30s. In fact I'll have to switch to saying "I'm in my late-30s". Yes, I'm turning 40. Crazy. I don't know what I thought 40 would be like but I guess I'll find out soon.

I remember when as a kid  my mom and dad turned 40 I would tell random people something along the lines "My mom is 40 now" or "Did you know my dad is 40?". This would often result in some raised eyebrows from my parents and usually a slight smile from the recipient of this news (often someone working in the hardware store or bagging our groceries). 

I don't feel any older or worse-for-wear than I did five years or even 10 years ago. In fact I feel better today than I've felt in the last two years. My bones do creak a bit more and I do find myself being forgetful but I'm not sure if this is any different than when I was younger...

The big question I used to always ask my parents as the countdown to my birthday was on was this, "Can I get my bike out by my birthday?". Funny how some things never change. I'm always counting down the days to my birthday and when I can get my bike out for a ride. 

Maybe today is your birthday - if so - enjoy it and celebrate. If it isn't your birthday, it is okay to pretend and go out for a nice "birthday" supper - you deserve it. Just don't go all crazy with showing off your birthday suit...

From Lion to Lamb?

Well, March sure hit us with a lot of force. We had snow, wind and cold but now after only two days of spring-like weather the bad feelings and memories are long behind us. It is interesting to note how 10 celsisus in the fall is considered cold but in March it means people are breaking out the flip-flops and shorts...

Anyway as I sit here it is 11 celsius and raining at 9:o0 a.m. No complaints here. Bring on the rain - I want the snow to melt. And more importantly I want the roads washed clean of the salt, dirt and grime that is unfriendly to my trusty two-wheeler.

Well, other than this rather brief consideration of the weather, I really don't have too much to add. But I'll take a stab at letting you know what is new, improved and better tasting.

I reacently finished reading In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan. A fascinating read, it really made me consider the latest President's Choice Blue Menu promotion in different light. Funny how this little "magazine" is chock full of foods packed with Omega-3 fortified foods - all in efforts to get us healthier. Remember the oat bran push in the 80s - well are we supposed to ditch oat bran in favour of Omega-3 now? What about fiber - are we still supposed to aim for extra fiber in our diets? Interesting how the nutritional push changes with the seasons isn't it. Have you ever considered who and what drives the push for oat bran, Omega-3, fiber and low-fat foods? Why don't we ever see promotional flyers from grocery store chains that highlight the benefits of eating fresh fruits and vegetables, meat, and other unprocessed foods. Chances are in a few years we'll see six grapefruits in a bag with a label that reads: New Improved Taste! Super Low-Fat. Convenient Easy-To-Peel Packaging". I should note that one item in the Omega-3 President's Choice flyer did catch my attention - peanut butter with extra Omega-3. I decided to look into this (Omega-3 is proven to help people with IBD) - well to my dismay this "new, healthy peanut butter that is perfect for kids" is full of sugar and oil - I thought it would be natural peanut butter with some added flax oil... 

Anyway, some food for thought...

I am now reading We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. I know that a movie based on this book will be released soon - but truth be told this is not why I'm reading it. This book has been on my "to read" list for some time and now is the time to read it.

Thanks to spending lots of quality time on my bike in the basement on the trainer, I've been watching a lot of movies on Netflix. Here are my recent highlights: Soul Kitchen, Wendy & Lucy, Monster, My Life Without Me, Conviction, Great New Wonderful, and Monster's Ball. Yes, an ecclectic mix of movies and many of them a bit "old" but all were worth watching and entertaining. 

So far the highlight of the week was my lunchtime chat with wee little Henry and his super proud dad. We had a great chat about flying kites, playing hockey  and a strong desire to watch Thomas the Tank Engine. At the end of the day, Murphy stole the show and managed to put the biggest smile on Henry's face. I think my favorite moment was when Henry kissed the computer screen and then gave it a big hug and then signing off with "See You Soon".

Happy International Women's Day