Victoria's Island

I hurt

Once again I've injured myself. The frustrating thing this time is that I did nothing to cause this pain. That's right. I've been diligently going to yoga, stretching, and doing my back exercises. And wham my back flares up. I have a slow disc protrusion. Yep sounds as ugly as it is.

All this pain and injury time is really starting to get to me. It's hard because I do everything right - I take care of my body and I still get injured. Sometimes Ithink I'd be better off sitting on the couch doing knitting.

Of course a number of people have told me things like: "It could be worse", "This is good for you", "You probably need the rest", etc. Well quite frankly I'm tired of being told this crap. This is not good for me and I don't need to learn anything else about patience and being appreciative for what I have.

I'd like to go one season without getting injured. I'd like to train and race. If I crash my bike or do something silly like fall down the stairs then I should get hurt. I shouldn't get hurt from training, stretching, and living a clean life.

In case you can't tell this is really starting to eat at me. I trust my physiotherapist and massage therapist to get me back to normal very quickly. In the meantime I've got to start finding the root cause of the problem and I've got to get it fixed. I don't really know how much more of this I can take.

I've ordered a book that deals with the mind-body connection and back pain. A number of people have recommended it so I'll give it a shot. The next step is to find some other kind of specialist who might be able to give me some more answers, clues, advice, whatever.

I just want to ride my bike and be pain free. At the age of 33 I really don't think that is too much to ask.

The right path

Lately I have been working hard on finding my right path in life. It is an effort that for a while was really eating at me and actually starting to make me feel a little crazy. You see I am convinced that I was put here on this Earth to do something big. Something that will make a difference to others. Originally I thought I could do this with my pen - so I studied journalism. But I am not working as a journalist. Sure I am writing but I am doing technical writing. So I told myself to find my right path through volunteer work - I coached hockey, I volunteered at a school, I taught taekwon-do and I did some volunteer writing.

Still, not satisified. I really feel that I'm here to make a difference. Not cure for cancer difference, but still something huge. I just really don't know how I'm supposed to do it. For a while I was convinced I had missed my sign - that I wasn't working hard enough to find that one thing that was going to let me make my mark. To make a difference.

This really stressed me out. To the point where I was not very happy - convinced I had messed up and the plan was shot to hell.

But after some soul searching and conversations, I have realized that it is really the small things that I do, that make a difference as well. In the last week I have had two people tell me that I inspire them. Wow - did I feel awesome.

But still deep down I'm looking for that big thing - what is it? where can I find it? how will I recognize it? I believe that whatever it is will involve writing, so I'm making myself write as much as I can - in hopes that I will discover my path.

I don't know if I'm the only person who deals with this issue - of what am I "really" supposed to be doing here? I don't want to live a life of mediocrity - I want to grab life, live it to its fullest and make a difference along the way.

I guess I have to keep doing what I'm doing and hopefully before it is not too late I will see clearly what it is I'm missing.

Fun times

Were had by all in T dot. The whole fam damily got together (all 4 of us). And it was good.

The Rochdale Project was/is  in a word: inspirational. I don't want to start blathering on about how great it was and how proud I felt and how amazing it was. Just go see it. The last day is March 19.

Had a great time hanging in the centre of the universe of Canada with my parents and my one-day sister-in-law. We hit Queen St. West - picked up a cool bag from Peach Beserk and super awesome cycling shorts at Dukes.

Canada Blooms was, well busy, packed, hectic and hot.

All in all a good weekend. The train ride was basically uneventful - got two seats to myself there and back. I guess I don't look like good seatmate material.

Now I just want the warm weather to come and stay - I want to ride my bicycle.

I've actually been doing some writing. That's right brace yourself. I'd write yourselves but I really don't think more than one person reads this blog.

I never know how to end these posts. Should I sign off with some witty statement like: l8r sk8rs? Should I leave a famous quote like: To thine ownself be true? Or should I simply click Save and be gone?

Quick and dirty

Don't have a lot of time so here is the latest:

Detox is done - only lasted 4 days. By the end of day 3 I was exhausted. Overalll though I felt good and received many pleasant compliments at yoga class. But now I'm back to red meat and dairy - I am going easy on the bread.

iFM - lovin' every minute of it. Has brought a whole new dimension to my iPOD and workday. Now I can listen to my radio station all day. Perfect.

The Rochdale Project - going to see it this weekend. Can't wait to see my brother on stage and to grin like an idiot for the entire show.

Whiskas cat food - go and buy some, the television commercials currently feature a popular young man who happens to my brother. Famously known as Hubert.

Freestyle - my new favorite radio program on CBC. What a  job these cool kids have.

Book - hmm, not much progress. But maybe next week.