Victoria's Island

Goings On

Sorry for the lack of posting. I would guess that right now the phrase "Silence is golden" might be best applied to this little spot on the WWW and how it relates to my current head space. Though I'm trying to keep an open-mind and be positive about my ulcerative colitis, I have to admit, I'm struggling. I so wanted to write an angry post or a desperate post, but luckily my inner-editor took over and I simply decided not to write.

Dudes, I'll be honest here: this thing is tough. Really tough. I'm working my way through it. But geez, it is hard. I don't want to induce a pity party here, but really some days I just feel damn sorry for myself. And I know I don't really have a right to feel this way. There are people out there much worse off than I am. But still, sometimes it does seem easiest to simply roll up in a ball for a little bit.

But, I'm not doing this. I'm fighting that urge and forcing myself to get out there and keep on going. Monday was tough. Really tough. I did not feel like riding. I tried to come up with some logical reasons why it would be in my best interest to not ride. Surprise surprise, I couldn't come up with any. So off I went. I ended up having a good ride and the time on the bike helped take my mind off of things. Yesterday was rough. I did not feel well on Tuesday. But today, Wednesday seems to be a bit better.

I do think the medicines are starting to kick in. I'm definitely noticing a change in how I feel today compared with a week and two weeks ago. The one frustrating aspect to this is food. The list of things that I can't eat while in a flare is getting longer everyday. It really does seem like a giant science experiment on my body. There is no definitive list of "safe" foods - only recommendations. So far basically all of my favorite foods are out. Smoothies with well blended raspberries and bananas are in. Almond milk (sounds odd doesn't it) is in. Puffed brown rice cereal is in. White rice is in. Yep, pretty darn bland. Oh well, short term pain for long term gain...

One thing I have noticed is a complete lack of interest in food. This is shocking for me. I'm usually trying not to eat and constantly feeling hungry. Not right now. Nope, in fact I've almost forgotten to eat lunch. I guess this is my body's way of dealing with this. I've read about people with IBD having to deal with food phobias and actually becoming afraid of eating. Amazing what the brain will do to try to keep one safe, but in reality, it is actually probably making things worse.

I find this whole food thing is compounded by the fact that I'm an elite bike racer who is training for a big season of cyclo-cross racing. All the more reason to get this thing under control. But at the same time, this also leads me down the path of despair. Tough balancing this teeter totter.

One lesson I have learned is this: don't read too much on the WWW. I've found a number of blogs written by other people dealing with ulcerative colitis. Too depressing for me. I don't want to read about any more people in their thirties who have had to get their colon's removed. I know this is a reality for 40 per cent of ulcerative colitis sufferers, but I'm putting myself firmly in the 60 per cent camp. I did pick up a decent book about IBD.

One of the hardest emotions I've had to battle is anger. I find I can get angry at people I don't even know. This happens when I see them doing unhealthy things like smoking, eating crappy food and not exercising. I see these people and wonder if they realize what they are doing to their bodies. Here I am a person who eats a super healthy diet, exercises, doesn't drink or smoke and takes care of myself, and I get sick. Where is the justice in this? I know, there is no big chart in the sky determining who gets what and who doesn't based on what they've done or not done. But still, it is darn frustrating.

Wow, I'm really unloading here. Sorry about this. But I'm a writer and sometimes I just need to get it out.

The other thing that makes me angry about this is how it is overshadowing all the good and positive things going in my life right now. Marc is starting a new job on Monday - this is huge; a massive step forward for him and I'm super excited for him. My mom is retiring from her nursing career on Friday. My brother and sister-in-law are doing awesome and looking forward to their wee one in December. Marc is racing in the Quebec-Montreal road race on Sunday - this is a highlight of his racing season. So many good things happening, but I seem to forget about them.

Okay, I think I should best finish this off now. Sorry to be so negative here and to go off on a rant. This is a temporary head space I'm in (I promise). Soon enough I'll be writing about my favorite new book discoveries, interesting restaurants, and bike riding happenings.

Fast Week

Dudes, this has been one heck of a whirlwind week. I feel like I've been on a merry go-round that just kept on going. This has been one of those weeks where I've experienced a full range of emotions and I'm only just now coming up for air.

In a nutshell, I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend. Some cycling. Some sleeping. Some reading. Some newspaper reading. Catching up with friends. Sitting outside with Murphy and my favorite guy.

The exciting news this week comes out of Toronto. My little brother is going to be in Murdoch Mysteries. I'm so stoked for him. He just keeps at it and the good things come his way. The passion and devotion he has is an inspiration for me. Even better is that he and Liz are expecting their first baby in December! How cool. Life is really turning out really well for Gregory and Liz. Good things happen to good people.

I haven't got much else going on right now. Just getting into the groove with things. I've discovered almond milk. Don't wrinkle your nose. It is pretty much okay on cereal. I'm eating the sugar-free vanilla flavor. I miss my raw veggies! But a tradeoff is that I'm eating some extra pasta - easy on the stomach. Also discovered that I tolerate Clif product really well - thanks Clif for making some healthy and natural bars that I can eat and enjoy!

Okay, I'm out - Marc has got The Next Food Network Star loaded on the Apple TV.

Happy weekend! Get out there and enjoy it.

Brand New Day

It is a Wednesday in the middle of July. For most, a normal run-of-the-mill day. Not me. For me it signals a fresh start and changes. Things have changed for me. For the good.

(Please don't stress when you read the next little bit - really things are good and are going to get even better.)

On Tuesday I found out some news about my health. Turns out I have ulcerative colitis. This is an inflammatory bowel disease that affects the large intestine or colon. I only found out yesterday so I'm not sure how severe my condition is. At first blush I was a bit upset to learn this news. But after having some time to digest (bad pun) this news and do a  bit of reading, really this is not so bad.

Ulcerative colitis can be treated with medication. With the appropriate medicine, I can probably remain pretty much symptom free but will have the occassional flare up. As far as I see it, my life really won't change that much. I'll have to take medicine daily but other than that, life will roll along as it is. Oh, with one added extra bonus - I'll feel much better than I have in a long time.

Yes, a long time. The "bad gut" that I simply thought I had was really more than a bad gut... I've been in a flare-up for the past five weeks or so. This is what sent me to the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago. Initially my doctor suspected hemmerhoids - normal conclusion since I don't look sick and I spend a lot of time sitting down on my bike seat. I was told that if I wasn't feeling better in two weeks, to make another appointment. Well, the last two weeks have been pretty rough. I've been suffering from pretty much constant stomach cramps, fatigue, weight loss, and bloody diarrhea (sorry for the gory details). I saw my doctor on Monday - he was immediately concerned and wondered why I waited so long to come back in... Anyway, I was able to get in for a colonscopy on Tuesday morning - this is when the discovery of the ulcerative colitis was made.

I know this is not the best medium to let you know about this. And to be honest, I was hesitant to write about this. But I've always been honest about how things are going on this site and considering this is a pretty big deal for me, I kind of need to write about it. But, one of the main reasons I'm telling you about this is: I want this to be a signal or reminder to you to not ignore symptoms/signs that something may not be quite right with your body. As a society we are pretty squeamish about talking about digestion and "toilet" issues. But this not talking about things doesn't get you very far when your health is at issue. I'm not trying to turn anyone into a hypochondriac, but there is a time "to suck things up" and a time to pay attention and deal with things.

I feel very lucky today. Hence the Brand New Day. I'm excited to get on the medication, to meet with my new doctor and really learn how to control this condition. I'm stoked to discover what it will feel like to be healthy and symptom free. I'm looking forward to having a big piece of cake again (foods with refined sugar are not good for me right now). I'm looking forward to munching my daily carrots and celery again (too much fiber is not good during a flare up). I'm looking forward to having some spicy food and eating more than fruit smoothies for supper. I'm looking forward to feeling good again.

Yep, so a brand new day it is. Don't worry. This news is actually a relief. A relief to know that there is a reason for the current situation and that this won't be my "way of life". As Marc said "This is your reality and we'll learn how to handle it". Everyone has their own "reality". Will this ulcerative colitis change my plans for the cyclo-cross season? Nope. In fact it strengthens my desire.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Change is Good

Some big news here at 26 Tamarack. My favorite guy (also known as Marc the Shark) has a new job. Yep, after years of working as a contractor in the Federal Government, he is going back to the private industry.

I couldn't be happier and more excited for him. It is time for a change and this is a change that fits Marc so perfectly. He is joining a company called Signiant. Interesting technology. Good group of people. A very exciting move for Marc.

Congrats Marc on the new job - I'm super proud of you.

2009 is going so well for my favorite guy. So stoked to see what the rest of this year brings.

A Good Friday

Well, I've been waiting all week for Friday. And finally it is here. I've got to say this has been a pretty good Friday. Lots of positives to take from today. I'll spare you the nitty gritty but lets just say it is a banner Friday. Lots of good news overall for Marc and myself.

I met up with Vince at The Cyclery today and I was overwhelmed with his generosity. Along with running a bustling cycling store, Vince is a huge supporter of the local racing community. Once again he has gone out of his way to support me for the upcoming cyclo-cross season. I'm feeling pretty darn lucky today. Thanks Vince! Go check out the store. The shop has a fine shipment of Dugast tires and you know you want some. How about a new bike? A new helmet? New shoes? Okay - you get the idea. Anyway, check out the store - you'll be impressed by the quality of service and knowledgeable staff.

Hmm, what else is making this a fine Friday. I can't really put my finger on it. Think it is just the coming together of so many little things. It is a day like today that reminds me how life really is so circular and good things will come. Dealing with adversity can be a drag, but the rewards of pushing through it are very rich.

So busy weekend ahead with lots of racing action. Should be good. I'll post up race reports and stories from the weekend on Ottawa Cross. So be sure to check this out. The weather is looking wet. Fine by me. I don't mind the rain. I prefer rain to snow...

Well, really that's all I've got for now. Just feeling pretty darn good right now. 2009 is turning out to be a year of surprises and positive lessons. Can't ask for much more.

Friday Yet?

Phew, this has been one of those weeks. The week is moving quickly but honestly, some of these days are dragging. Mostly dragging when I'm camped out in my grey cubicle looking out at the green grass and sunshine. Oh well, tomorrow is Friday so I suppose I shouldn't moan too much.

Saw a very good movie last night. Went to see My Sister's Keeper with a pal of mine from my Adobe days. Typically, I don't enjoy movies based on novels. Particularly novels that I've enjoyed. (Atonement springs to mind...) So I had low expectations going in. Well, this movie is quite good. I found it didn't pull any punches and at times it did have my eyes watering and my nose running. This appeared to be a universal affect in the theater. I think that even if you haven't read the novel, you'd quite like this movie. One thing I found is that the movie version of My Sister's Keeper does an excellent job of demonstrating how layered the novel is. Anyway, if you're looking for a chick flick - put this one on your list.

The extra bonus of the movie were the previews. Gee, can you tell it has been a long time since I've been to the movie theater? Anyway, saw the preview for Love Happens (looks particularly good in the love/chick flick genre and has Jennifer Anniston in it), a preview for the Julia Child movie (based on a blogger book about cooking Julia Child's recipes for a year; true story), and the preview for The Time Traveler's Wife (based on the novel of the same name; I loved this novel and am really looking forward to the movie). So now I'm hooked and want to see all three of these movies!

Tonight I've got a long list of things on my "to do" list. Basically everything I haven't had time to do this week. Real exciting stuff like groceries and putting the laundry away! One highlight is a hair cut. Yep, it is time. My hair has gotten quite shaggy and no amount of styling products will help it. I took on a new leaf this spring/summer and let my hair "grow". Yes this is a relative term. But now I'm tempted to get it chopped off. We'll see what the hairdresser has in mind. I can't get into my normal stylist so I'm rolling the dice with a walk-in salon in Barrhaven. Keep your fingers crossed. It could turn into the summer of hats!

Weekend is shaping up nicely. Racing both days. Should be good. Looking forward to some fun and fast racing. Extra bonus is the schedule on Saturday means that we won't be out at the Gatineau Park all day as has happened in past years. It is nice to have time to recover and chill out before packing the bag again and heading out to the crit on Sunday. Yes, by this I mean: drink tea, read the newspaper and flake out.

Have to say I truly enjoyed my newspaper subscription last weekend. Totally looking forward to it this weekend. Nice little treat and a great way to spend some time. I find reading the newspaper to be very relaxing. I stumble across articles and information I wouldn't otherwise know about.

Getting into my latest read: An Imperfect Offering. I'm enjoying it but at the same time it really forces me to pause and think about life and the real meaning of it. This author devoted his life to helping others less fortunate and at times when reading this book I wonder about how my energies are spent. But there is still time to do lots of other "things". I guess the real message I'm taking from this book is that we are not living in a vacuum - there are people out there with real problems and we can all make a small difference. Anyway, I'm only on the second chapter so this is my first blush impression of Orbinkski's book.

Okay, I think I'm about done here. Goodness knows I could ramble forever, but I've got another blog post to write! Happy almost Friday.

By the Horns

Dudes, it is the middle of July! Can you believe it? Not to raise any alarm bells but the summer is quickly and surely evaporating. So the time is now! Time to book that vacation, to take a long weekend, or heck call in sick and get out there. Do something to make this summer a memorable one. Soon enough we'll be in the winter doldrums, wishing it was July. So get out and do something. Yes, I know the weather hasn't been perfect. But it probably never will be. Better to take stock - look at all the bounty you have and appreciate it, and if you need to cart around an umbrella or a light sweater - deal with it.

Hmm, so I'm urging you to get out and grab life and make the most of your summer. Easy for me to say I suppose. What about me? Have I done this? I would have to say yes. I haven't gone on any big trips but we did take our vacation at the end of June/early July. It was very restful and relaxing - exactly what we both needed. It seems that most of my evenings and weekends are filled with time with friends. Just what I like to do. Meeting for dinner or a chat in a coffee shop. Sure not exactly the same as rafting down the Grand Canyon, but it keeps me going. Not to mention I'm getting my share of vitamin D this summer with lots of riding and training. I'm spending lots of time on the road bike and a good chunk of time exploring the trails around Ottawa. I'd say so far it has been a pretty good summer.

For me, it is really the fall/winter when action heats up. Then I'm busy traveling and racing and then packing my stuff up and getting over to Belgium for more of the same. So I suppose we do things a bit differently. Different is good - right?

I guess what I'm really trying to get across is this: life is short. Don't delay and put things off. You really simply just never know what is around the next corner. I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about having a "do-over". If I could do my life over again would I? My answer is no. True, my career is not one that I'm 100 per cent passionate about but, this career choice has allowed me to live my passions of cycling to the fullest. Every evening when I got to bed I am really quite thankful for what I have. Yes, there are some days when I'm out riding and it is raining or a bit cold - but then I remind myself that it is the middle of the afternoon and I'm out riding my bike. There are lots of people who can't do this. So no "do overs" for me. What about you? If you think you'd like a "do over", then I suggest you get busy and starting doing those things that you would do with your second chance.

Okay, so that was a mouthful! Sometimes I simply never know what is going to come out. Maybe it is the cubicle influence on this fine Tuesday! Had a good night last night. Made a super salad of quinoa, turkey sausage, apple, spinach and walnuts (our all time fave) and we watched the UFC 100 fights. Don't cringe - it isn't that bad. Pretty quiet but, exactly what we needed. Lots of racing action this weekend: OBC Grand Prix on Saturday and Ontario Criterium Provincial Champs on Sunday. So if you're in Ottawa/Chelsea and want to catch some bike racing - there is lots to choose from. Rest of the week is looking pretty good. Going to the movies tomorrow - haven't been in sooo long. Going to see My Sister's Keeper - this is based on the Jodi Picoult novel of the same name. Excellent novel. Looking forward to the movie and a night out with the girls.

Have a good one. Remember to get out there. Don't let life pass you by.

Saturday Night

It is Saturday night here in O-Town. We're taking it nice and slow. Perfect way to wind down from our productive day. Typically I like to catch a few extra zzz's on Saturday morning. But not today.

Marc was going on the Cyclelogik ride so I decided I might as well get up and ride early. Very smart decision considering the weather we've had today. Marc left for the CL ride just before 7:30 and I followed quickly after him. I rode to the Gatineau Park to get in some hill climbing and some VO2Max intervals. Pretty good ride. A hard work-out. Lots of climbing. Some descending (funny though it never seems to balance out with the climbing). A solid set of intervals. Bumped into my pal and we set plans for a fine Sunday night supper. I almost stayed dry.... Got caught in an a ridiculous downpour right around Magicomo Mountain. I was soaked. It got really dark as well. But I can handle the rain. Luckily it was very warm so the rain wasn't such a big deal. One bonus of the soggy weather was a pretty much empty Gatineau Park. I saw four other cyclists and probably only six cars. This is a record for a Saturday in July! Anyway, excellent ride. I really enjoy this ride. I can pretty much ride the bicycle paths all the way to the Gatineau Park and then I get to ride in a beautiful environment. Nothing like being surrounded by trees to calm the mind and soul.

We went out for a great lunch at our favorite lunch spot: Centrepointe Cafe. The best part of the lunch that Rocco and Joe whip up is the soup. It is home made and fresh daily. Today was curried carrot. Perfect side dish for my tasty wrap. Then it was errand time. Stop in at the shop to pick up some essentials: chamois cream and Hammer bars. We hung out and caught up with the guys and gal.

To round out our errands we did the deli tour. First stop was the Bank St. Sausage shop for some fresh sausage. Our freezer is now stocked with spicy Italian, hot chorizo and ginger/coriander sausages. Mmm, there are going to be some good meals on our table! To round out the delis, we stopped at the perogi store on Baxter Rd. Wow - what a place. So many perogis! I picked up one package of chicken perogis. Think these will make the perfect addition to my lunch.

We totally crashed this afternoon and did nothing. While Marc napped I chilled out with the newspaper and some chocolate mint tea. I love my new newspaper subscription. Can't wait for the Sunday NY Times! I whipped up some new carb/protein bars today: 1.5 cups of rolled oats, 1 cup of ground almonds, a generous dash of cinnamon, one egg, 1.5 cups of skim milk; mix well; drop into an 8 x 8 pan lined with parchment paper; bake for 40 minutes at 350; oatmeal concotion cool; slice into bars; eat or wrap in plastic wrap and freeze. These are pretty tasty - there is no added sugar so they are not sweet (could add some agave). With the egg, milk and ground almonds I think there is a good dose of protein in these bars. I tasted one - nice and chewy (not crumbly) - sort of cake like. I migh whip up another batch tomorrow - thinking of adding mashed banana and some peanut butter... Also wondering what they would be like with some canned pumpkin, cinnamon and raisins.... Any suggestions?

Not much planned for Sunday. Fun on the 'cross bike is on deck for the morning. Planning a solid two hour trail ride chased with some skill work in the park. Just what I need right now. Looking forward to supper at the New Mee Feung - craving the mango salad.

Oh, one sure sign it is summer: on Friday I saw a guy walking down the street here in Barrhaven - he was carrying a 12 pack of Fresca! Oh Fresca - how I love it. Subtle lemon lime flavor. One of my summer memories is my mom in her bikini stretched out on the back deck with some magazines and a bottle of Fresca (sorry mom!).

Okay, on that note I better go. Don't want to write anything else that will get me in trouble...

Friday Action

Wow, what a whirlwind week this has been. We got home from vacation on Monday and it has been non-stop go ever since. Thank goodness our vacation had a nice easy pace to it. I've been out every night this week. Crazy. But good crazy. Nice way to be really.

I've really just been taking the time to catch up with friends I haven't seen in forever. Perfect to just sit and chat and talk about everything and nothing. Last night I hooked up with a pal of mine and we went down to the Byward Market. What a night. Perfect weather. Smooth feeling to the people out walking around enjoying the clean air and music. We wandered around for a bit and then stocked up on the essentials: tea, bath soap and black licorice. Then it was off to Takahara for sushi. Mmm, it was so good. I hadn't been out for sushi in so long so it was a definite treat. Then we wandered some more. Listened to some music, people watched and just had a pretty good night. Not a bad way to spend a Thursday evening.

This weekend is looking pretty good. I know it is supposed to rain on Saturday. No big deal. That is what umbrellas are for! One thing I'm really looking forward to this weekend is: the newspaper! I missed reading the Globe and Mail while we were away. So it will be nice to have the Saturday paper in my hot little hands. I ended up subscribing to the Saturday Globe and the Sunday NY Times. I really enjoy reading both of these newspapers so a subscription seemed to make sense. So you can pretty much be sure of what I'll be doing on Saturday and Sunday - newspapers, tea, backyard.

Discovered that there are some pretty good free concerts this weekend as part of the Bluesfest action. Thornley, one of our favorite bands is playing on Sunday night. Problem is the show starts quite late (midnight...). On Monday one of my new faves is playing: Serena Ryder. I will definitely be going to listen to her. I love her voice. Also playing on Sunday are Broken Social Scene. This is one of the best bands out there.

Not much else really. Still trying to get unpacked from our trip and put the house back together. All in due time. There is no rush really. I'm pretty confident that Better Homes and Gardens magazine won't be showing up at our place anytime soon for a photo shoot!

Okay, I best be off. Maybe I'll write more later. Have a great weekend. Make sure you get out and enjoy the outdoors. Before you know it, you know what will be here!

Good news - found out when the Watchmen are playing - 5:30. So assuming the weather holds out - we'll be there to catch this fine Canadian act. Loudlove is playing at 1:30 (I think) - this is a great local band - I have tickets to see them play at Bluesfest on Thursday.

Okay, signing off. We've got an episode of Top Chef Masters to watch. This is an okay show. It isn't Top Chef but it satiates the food porn television for the summer! We are enjoying watching The Next Food Network Star. Yep, life does revolve around bikes, food, tea, and newspapers.

Daily Life

Ah, well back to the routine again today. Nothing like the same old to remind you of the great time had while away. This is where I'm at right now. I have to say that the break/vacation we had was great. It wasn't one of these crazy vacations where we did lots of stuff. Rather it was the complete opposite. We both simply had time to sit and catch our breath.

I was able to get in lots of quality time on the bike. Many hours were spent climbing the hills of the Beauce region. I was able to read two books (Remembering the Bones and Bright Shiny Morning). Best of all, there were moments of complete  relaxation. Perfect. We had planned to go to Quebec City but the days kind of ran away from us. No problem. Quebec City isn't going anywhere.

So now what? Well, back into the groove of day-to-day life here. Definitely nice to see Mr. Murphy. I get the feeling he missed us as he seems to be attached to both of us. Nothing like waking up to the sound of a purring cat!

The rest of the summer looks pretty darn good. More training. Some more bike racing. I'm sure many afternoons to sit out and simply relax. Just what is needed. Especially since for us the fall and winter a super busy with cyclo-cross racing and travel.

We do have tickets to go to the Hope Beach Volleyball thing this weekend. The Watchmen are playing (one of our favorite bands). This band had broken up a few years ago but I guess they are back together. Only problem with the concert is we don't know what time The Watchmen are playing... Have to play it by ear.

Really, that is it. I've been watching dribs and drabs of the Tour de France. It is early days right now. Real action won't start until the mountains. I am pleased that we get such decent coverage with OLN but I must say that I'm a bit tired of hearing the word "Lance". Sigh. Oh well, no matter my opinions on this guy, the one thing he has done is increase the visibility of the sport and raise millions for cancer research.

Okay, best be off. Thanks for the comments and emails about Marc's race. What an awesome way to round out our vacation.