No excuses. No reasons. Just really haven't felt like I've had much to say lately. Honestly I was in a bit of slump. This ulcerative colitis flare has dragged me down. I've had some rough days but now thankfully the good days are outnumbering the rough ones.
This summer has been a real growth experience for me. I spent time wallowing and feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't do everything I had planned. I was angry and resentful. But now I'm okay. Sure there are days when I want to kick and scream - angry because all of this seems so damn unfair.
I like to think this is normal. It would be easier to understand why I have a body that rebels against me if I spent 20 years or so drinking, smoking, eating Big Macs, watching television and skimping on my sleep. In fact I've done the exact opposite. Seems like I got ripped off... It frustrates me to see people abusing their bodies yet paying no consequences for it.
So where does this leave me today on June 28, 2012?
Surprisingly, it leaves me in a good place. I've shifted gears and learned to appreciate everything my body can do for me. It is easy as an athlete to lose perspective and forget that a daily yoga practice, a 15 minute walk, an hour long bike ride (yes all in one day) - is more than most people do in a week. So I've learned to appreciate the little things. The days when my body grants me the energy to get out and ride. My early monring yoga practice - while not as challenging as the classes I enjoy at Mountaingoat Yoga - still lets me feel my body move and stretch and gives my mind the rest it needs.
I'm looking forward to and have got some cool things on the horizon:
- trip to New York City in November with my mom. This is a long overdue birthday present (from me to her) and I'm super excited to get spend a few days in the big city with my mom.
- pick up hockey. It has been a long time since I've laced up the skates and pulled on my hockey socks but I'm super stoked to have the opportunity to get out and play this winter.
- running. As much as I'm a cyclist, I'm also a runner (albeit a much slower runner than I am cyclist). As soon as I'm healthy and I get the go-ahead from my doctor and Marc, I'm looking forward to getting out on the trails fo the Gatineau Park for some huffing, puffing and smiling.
- cyclo-cross. This will be a different cyclo-cross season for me. I'll be racing but just not like I have been in the past. But this is okay.
- secret project. I have had another secret project in the works for a while now and I decided this morning that is time to get this done.
Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of all the richness and opportunity we have around us everyday - we (I) get so focused on my goals that I forget how lucky I really am. I suppose if there a silver lining to this ulcerative colitis battle - it is that it has shown me how to take a step back and take it all in.