So this hasn't been the most "active" space this summer. I guess because I feel like I don't have much to tell you. It is not easy when something so vital and valuable is taken away. It is taking me time but I'm learning and discovering that there is more to me than bike racing. It is not easy. I'm still trying to figure this out. Normally if I couldn't ride I would go running or hit the gym or do something else active - but this is not possible right now.
I can ride - but just not the way I want to or had planned to... Instead I've learned (rather slowly) that I need to rest and recover. I can't ride seven days in a row. I need to ride easy. I can't get caught up in my power output and average speed. Instead I just need to ride for the sake of riding.
And as much as I want to be outside running on the trails, ripping around on my cyclo-cross bike or going mountain biking - I can't right now. But I will be able to (soon?).
So what am I saying here? Honestly I'm not sure. When you're a person who thrives on the physicality of life it is hard to replace these feelings and sensations. Books and newspapers work for only so long. Knitting is not for the summer. So what am I doing? I'm resting. I'm catching up with friends. I'm riding but only to and from work. I'm learning how to relax.
Normally at this time of the year I'm planning race schedules, booking plane tickets, arranging for hotels and cars and connecting with my cyclo-cross racing pals as we get ready for the upcoming season. Instead I'm reading about raw vegan healing diets, learning about juicing, making homemade almond milk, and trying to heal myself.
I'm starting to realize that in order for my guts to heal - my heart and soul need to heal first. I have to admit that I'm sick and let my body do its thing. I can't keep pushing my limits and then wonder why I'm not getting better. All the pills, drugs, elixirs and tonics won't make a difference if my heart is fighting the wrong fight.
This might sound rather esoteric but at this point I'm willing to try and do anything. I want to get back to doing the stuff I love doing. Until then I'm resting, relaxing, recovering and savouring what it is I can do.